I have always considered myself to be straight, but these thoughts are very powerful. Is this OK?
*I'm a 36-year-old guy and I have always considered myself to be straight. I've had several heterosexual relationships and a couple of homosexual experiments, all of which I felt good about. I've been single for two years and recently, while watching porn, have been having masturbatory fantasies about being the girl, especially when the video features one girl and several guys. These fantasies give me particularly satisfying orgasms. Should I be concerned about this?*
It is common to imagine that one cannot trust one's self, when it comes to sexual orientation. Somehow – probably a result of longstanding homophobia – many people imagine there may be something "undesirable" lurking beneath the surface just waiting to take control. But you seem to be a person who is pretty open about your sexuality – and to experimentation. So if you are interested, why not safely explore those interests, without being afraid that it will permanently stamp you as being gay? There are times in everyone's life when orientation) can be more fluid. But it may be that what especially turns you on about the group-sex scenarios is the notion of power exchange during sex, which is a very erotic idea for many people; in your fantasy you may be substituting genders to make this more palatable. Again, you could consider experimenting with consensual dominance and submission, to explore other aspects of your sexuality.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments). Reported by guardian.co.uk 11 hours ago.
*I'm a 36-year-old guy and I have always considered myself to be straight. I've had several heterosexual relationships and a couple of homosexual experiments, all of which I felt good about. I've been single for two years and recently, while watching porn, have been having masturbatory fantasies about being the girl, especially when the video features one girl and several guys. These fantasies give me particularly satisfying orgasms. Should I be concerned about this?*
It is common to imagine that one cannot trust one's self, when it comes to sexual orientation. Somehow – probably a result of longstanding homophobia – many people imagine there may be something "undesirable" lurking beneath the surface just waiting to take control. But you seem to be a person who is pretty open about your sexuality – and to experimentation. So if you are interested, why not safely explore those interests, without being afraid that it will permanently stamp you as being gay? There are times in everyone's life when orientation) can be more fluid. But it may be that what especially turns you on about the group-sex scenarios is the notion of power exchange during sex, which is a very erotic idea for many people; in your fantasy you may be substituting genders to make this more palatable. Again, you could consider experimenting with consensual dominance and submission, to explore other aspects of your sexuality.
• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.
• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments). Reported by guardian.co.uk 11 hours ago.